Cancer lessons

You know, you always hear about people who've had cancer saying that it was actually a "blessing." I don't know if I'd go THAT far, but you do learn a few things, such as:

• Enjoy each new day (and night!) ... Every day truly IS a blessing. And, it's an opportunity to do something you enjoy, and an opportunity to do something nice for someone else.

• I know it's a cliche, but DO NOT sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Unless somebody's bleeding, or crying, or hurting, just let it slide. Plane's late? Listen to your iPod. Sleep. Talk to somebody. Traffic jam? Listen to music. Better still, sing along with it! Loudly! (Please don't sleep.) Have to work late? Be glad you have a job and give it your all!

• Laugh. A. Lot. (Even at work!) Don't see anything funny? Make something funny ...

• Help somebody. Do a chore, or something "not in my job description," or send a card, or say a prayer, or make a donation. Just do it.

• Appreciate people. Tell them you love them, or you love what they did, or what they said. Don't wait. Let them know now.

• Say yes more than no.

• Be open to learning something new. Try to have an open mind about things. See the world with "new eyes."

I'm SO not perfect, and having cancer hasn't made me perfect. I'm still a "work in progress." But, like you, the older I get, the more I experience, the more I learn. Growing old isn't a curse. It's the ultimate blessing!

Until next time ...

P

Portless once again

Wow, "Port-a-Paula" (thanks for that, Kathryn) is, once again, PORTLESS!

My chest is a little sore where the portacath was removed, but, dang!, it feels SO GOOD to be getting back to normal, as in pre-cancer back to normal.

Even though they put me totally under anesthesia to install the port, they kept me awake to take it out. A little unsettling, but I'm sure this is just the way it's done ...

So, yesterday I reported to B-J West at 7 a.m. and got registered and prepped into a lovely hospital gown, and actually walked into the operating room and climbed up onto the table (weird, I'll probably have nightmares about this later), where a doctor and nurse proceeded to clean off the chest area, numb me up with lidocaine-in-a-syringe, then drape the area so I couldn't see what was going on (thank you, God!).

And, after about half an hour of feeling the doctor pushing and pulling and stitching and gluing -- and ongoing conversation about our kids, our jobs, our religions, our trips, the news of the day (um, Tiger Woods!), and how every Friday night is the nurse's "husband-hunting" night, ha! -- it was all over and I was free to go. Yes, free. Of the last cancer paraphernalia. YES!!! (Now, if I can just get rid of the ever-so-slight numbness in my fingers and toes ...)

So, please join me in lifting a glass of your favorite beverage tonight and we'll all toast to my port-less-ness! Cheers!

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Janine (yesterday) and Kathy (today)! Love you both!

Until next time ...

P

The eyes don't have it

Shingles, that is. So, after I was diagnosed with my latest malady, I went online to see if shingles can harm the eyes (since my shingles is in my right eyebrow and darn close to my right eye). And what did I find out? That if the shingles do get in your eyes, you can GO BLIND! Aaaaaaccccckkkkk! (That, according to the Mayo Clinic.)

So, of course, right that very minute my right eye started to sort of hurt and sting, and I was convinced the shingles virus was doing a number on my eyesight, so I called my eye doc and got in, like, two hours later (virtually all of my doctors know what a hypochondriac I am) ...

And I'm happy to report that the eyes do not have it, but was told to toss my current contacts and case anyway, just in case ...

So, whew, dodged yet another bullet ...

And I'm also happy to report that I got a ton of Christmas shopping done this weekend, so no stress there, either!

Until next time ...
P

Illness du jour

So, guess I'll be going into the roofing business, now that I've got a case of SHINGLES ...

Yes, I'm thinking of renaming the blog "Paula's setback after setback after setback," or "Paula's illness du jour," or "What the heck is Paula complaining about now?"

Anyway, yes, I've got the shingles, very mild, just a small patch in my right eyebrow area. Luckily, I already had a doctor's appointment yesterday (my annual skin-cancer check), so he diagnosed the shingles, telling me that there's really not much I can do, basically just let it run its course, some 14 days, and that I won't ever get them again!

So I'm thinking that maybe this is a good thing, a small price to pay for lifetime immunity ...

Until next time,
P

Appointments

Yes, I'm getting an early Christmas gift this year: PORT REMOVAL! It's scheduled for Friday, Dec. 11, at B-J West, and will be oh-so-symbolic, a physical sign that, after some 15 months of testing, chemo and radiation, surgery, more chemo, more testing, this so-called "temporary setback" was just that: temporary. And now I can get on with my life, cancer-free once again. Please, somebody pinch me, 'cause I'm surely hoping I'm not dreaming ...

Just in case you're wondering what a "port" is, it's the little one-inch, triangular, plastic thing the doctors implanted, under the skin, on the right side of my chest way back in August 2008 that allowed them to take blood and give me chemotherapy many, many times without having to repeatedly use (and almost certainly mess up) the veins in my arms.

The port never bothered me, never hurt -- it's just "been there," ready to serve whenever the need arose. I would definitely recommend getting a port, if you ever have to go through chemo. (I love my port!)

I've got another appointment Dec. 30, two actually: with Dr. K and with a new doctor, a physical therapy doctor, Dr. P, who will take a look at my bum left leg and, hopefully, tell me what I can do to make it stronger. It still hurts, usually right after I've been sitting and stand up, but yesterday it felt pretty good so I walked about a mile, maybe a tad more, and I'd really like to continue the walking and work my way up to two or more miles. We'll see.

As for the neuropathy, the fingers are just slightly still numb, the toes more so, but I'm thinking both might be back to normal in a few months. Again, we'll see.

That's about it for now -- thanks for checking on me!

Until next time ...
P

Happy Thanksgiving

Dear God,

Thanks for everything you've brought us through in the past year -- from my cancer, to Hannah's brain tumor, to all the struggles in between. It's been truly miraculous, and now I really know nothing is beyond your ability.

Please help us to know what you want us to do in the "extra" years you have given us, and please give us the strength and willpower to do it.

Bless all those who have stood beside our family, helping us cope. And thank you for putting them in our lives.

Thanks, too, for connecting us with the right doctors, and for blessing them with the knowledge and skill to bring us back to good health.

We love you, Lord, and we'll be forever grateful for your mercy. Amen.

Now I'd like to share a prayer for anyone who is faced with a problem or struggle in the coming year. I'm not sure who wrote it, but I really like it:

The light of God surrounds me.
The love of God enfolds me.
The power of God protects me.
The presence of God watches over me.
Wherever I am, God is.
And all is well.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Until next time ...
P

To-do list

So, I've checked the "conquer cancer" box on my to-do list, but I still have a few things left to do:

• get my port removed. It's "out-patient" surgery, and I should be able to get it taken care of within a couple of weeks at Barnes Jewish West. Wow, even though it never really bothered me (I always forgot it was there until they had to access it in the chemo pod), it will be nice to have a normal chest again, one without that little triangular "bump."
• get my "bum" leg back to normal. For a couple of weeks now, my left leg (the one they took all the lymph nodes out of) has been sore and I've been limping a bit. It hurts on the inside of my thigh when I put pressure on that leg or raise it (going up steps is rather painful 'cause it involves both movements). I saw my radiation guy last Friday, who checked it over and even pulled up my CT and PET pictures on his computer, but he's not sure what caused it (I think it started after I worked out on a treadmill at work, so I'm thinking I pulled a muscle or something). Anyway, he's given me the name of a physical therapy doctor, so I plan to call her office tomorrow. It would be nice to know what I can do to get it back to normal, exercise-wise.

I'll be sure to update you on both of my "to-do" items when I know something.

Until next time ...

P

Thank you, God!

So, Dr. K's nurse just called and said that the PET scan I had yesterday is ALL CLEAR and I am, truly, sincerely, CANCER FREE!

Thank you God, thank you family, thank you friends! This is my "dream come true" ...

More later ...
P

Celebrations

Last Friday night I got together with four friends to celebrate my cancer-free state. Four of us had helped out with a Girl Scout troop for our daughters from first through sixth grade, so we "bonded" big time, all of us sharing all the typical GS activities, such as:

• making "swaps" and going to swap meets ...
• taking samples of pond water (and getting a little wet and muddy) ...
• making milk-jug skeletons for Halloween ...
• "camping out" at the St. Louis Zoo, a local gym, and GS camps ("Um, do you smell smoke?") ...
• holding baby-sitting nights with games and snacks ...
• selling cookies and collecting "April showers" donations ...
• soliciting "illegal" (according to stringent GS rules) donations for Mother Teresa's work in India (more than $400!) ...
• flying to Chicago for a fun-filled three-day weekend!

Six years of fun, fun, fun! So on Friday, we toasted my no-more-cancer report with champagne, relived the past, shared the latest news, and looked to the future (we may form a book club!), breaking up our little party at 2:30 in the morning!

Then, yesterday, my saintly sister and I went shopping with our mother, ending the day with wine and food at a local eatery, where we sat outside on the patio in 65-degree weather (in November!), just enjoying life. We even had dessert because, well, we were celebrating our good day!

And tonight I'm joining a couple of other long-time friends at yet another celebration, woo-hoo!

For my birthday earlier this month my saintly sister gave me a silver bracelet with the sentiment, "Each day is a gift from God." And it is! And we need to celebrate that a little bit every day by sharing precious moments with family and friends, maybe having that dessert!, doing something nice for someone else (or making them laugh), or heck, just smiling at the world!

Thanks for checking on me!

Until next time ...

P

Another scan

Darn! Just when I thought I was out of the woods, I find out I have to have another body scan. Dr. K, my newest doctor (the one who took the place of my primary surgeon), suggested the first time I saw him a month or so ago that he wanted a PET scan, in addition to a CT. So I thought both would be done at the same time. Problem is, nobody ever actually scheduled the PET, so all I got was the CT, which looked fine.

So, after I saw my oncologist, Dr. W-G, and heard that all was well, I asked her if I needed the PET. She didn't think so, but told me to call Dr. K to see if he still wanted it. So I called and talked to his assistant, who said she would "make sure he sees the CT" and let me know.

Well, a few days ago she called back and said that, yeah, he still wants it. Even though the CT looked good, the PET is better for the kind of cancer I had, she told me. The PET (Position Emission Tomography) looks at the body's functional processes, such as tumor metabolic activity -- something no other test does. For the test, I'll be injected with a radioactive sugar, FDG, which is taken up by cells that use sugar, such as cancer cells. So it will actually be a better way to determine if any cancer is still there.

The test is scheduled for 8 a.m. on Tuesday, Nov. 17, at Barnes-Jewish West, and should take about two hours.

Please pray that the PET also shows no cancer, and that I am truly "cancer-free."

Until next time ...
P

Simple pleasures

What a great birthday I had! Just knowing that the CT scan was clear -- no cancer -- was enough to make this birthday the best ever!

My sister (the nurse/maid/saint) took me out to my favorite Italian restaurant for lunch, accompanied by wine and dessert, of course. And I decided not to return to work, since it was a beautiful sunny day -- and my birthday, for Pete's sake!

My daughter, Hannah, suggested that we drive to Dylan's school (nearly two hours each way) so that he could join us for dinner, and, since it was such a nice day, her dad and I decided, yeah, we could do that. It was so nice to see Dylan again, and I think maybe he was glad to see us, too!

We had fun at dinner, and then headed to a nearby Wal-Mart to pick up a few things for Dyl, and that's when I saw the "claw" machine -- you know, those arcade games where you put in a quarter and try to pick up a toy with a "claw" that drops down and closes.

I'm a sucker for those things, so the kids and I had a ball playing with it -- and Dylan and I even "won" two little stuffed animals! (See photo at right.) We probably spent $4 total, but I swear, we had fun that was worth way more than that! You should have heard me whooping and hollering when I won a little stuffed dog! (Actually, maybe you did hear me, about 8:30 last night? I was pretty darn excited.) ... I'm convinced that being successful at the "claw" is one part skill and three parts luck!

So, yeah, it's the "simple pleasures" in life that make the best memories -- and get the most laughs! Maybe a good thing to remember in these tough economic times ...

Until next time ...
P

Basking in the glow

So, it's been three days since I found out that the CT scan was "all clear" and my cancer just might be gone forever. Three days of pure bliss. And I'm still basking in the glow ...

Things sure are different now. Before Thursday, whenever I thought about next year, a little voice would whisper, "Will I still be around next year?" Now I'm thinking, "Hell, yeah, next year will be my year!" My year of good health, my year of paying off medical bills, my year of making plans and getting things done.

2010 -- the year of Paula!

Re: my cancer treatment, I've still got a few things to take care of, though. Since my new doctor, Dr. K, had recommended that I get a PET scan in addition to the CT (my oncologist, Dr. W-G, isn't sure why he wants one), I called his office the other day and talked to his assistant about it. She said she would make sure he gets to see the CT and let me know if they still want to schedule a PET scan (which provides a different -- and better -- picture, as I understand it) and they'll let me know.

Also, I'm supposed to decide when I want to get my port removed (a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday of my choosing), so I've got to schedule that. (It's "out-patient" surgery.) I'll probably wait until I hear from Dr. K's office about the PET.

You know, last Thursday, when I found out I was cancer-free, I mentioned to someone at work that I don't think I can ever have a bad day again. Of course, life will present struggles and difficulties, as it always does, but, truly, after hearing that I've beat cancer, I feel like nothing can ever bring me down again. A true "silver lining."

Until next time ...
P

Cancer free!

Hey, the scan came back "all clear -- no cancer!" -- so I'm on cloud 9!

During my visit today, I asked my oncologist, Dr. W-G, if this means that there's a chance I could be cancer-free for the rest of my life, and she said, and I quote, "there's a GREAT possibility."

So, of course, I'm ecstatic beyond belief, and of course, how did I react to the fantastic news in my doctor's office? I cried ... But they were tears of pure joy, and a release of all the tension and uncertainty I've held inside for a long, long time.

So, praise God, and thanks to all of you for your support! It's been a long -- and "interesting" -- year, and I'm glad it's finally over.

Until next time,
P

Pre-scan jitters

OK, so this Wednesday is my CT scan, to see if everything looks good after my six months of post-surgery chemo. I'm a little nervous about it, just because I want it to be "all clear" SO badly. I'll find out the results the next day, Thursday, when I see my oncologist, Dr. W-G.

So, say a prayer for me if you're so inclined, and I'll fill you in when I know something. (I've still got the numb fingers and toes, but, like I've said before, they are getting better with each passing week.)

Until next time ...
P

Back to the real (cold) world

So, I've spent a solid week (eight days, in fact) in Venice, Florida, where sunshine was a daily occurrence and the temp ranged from low 90s in the day to 70s in the evening -- in other words, SUMMERTIME ...

Yesterday afternoon I was in the pool, enjoying an adult beverage while basking in the glorious sunshine, and a couple of hours later I was standing outside the airport in St. Louis, waiting for my ride, and it was so cold I could see my breath. In other words, WINTER ... It was a shock.

The good news is, I got to get away for awhile, and let me tell you, it was simply wonderful. Warm sunshine EVERY DAY, a refreshing pool a short walk from our villa, 84-degree Gulf water that was hard to leave, award-winning clam chowder, yet another "drum circle" on the beach at sunset (and yes, I beat a drum!), lots and lots of wine, delicious grilled grouper, seafood lasagna, breakfast casserole, coconut shrimp, wine of all kinds, LOTS of laughs with my Psycho Sis and other three roomies, did I mention all the wine?, french silk icecream at 3 a.m., watching the nightly "bird show" -- and stars, and sunsets -- from the lanai, Rosie-the-bartender's killer Cosmopolitans -- I could go on and on. It was a fantastic getaway and I feel SO fortunate to have been able to go (thanks Linda and Laura for including me!) ...

In the top photo, I'm posing with a few seashells and sharks teeth on Manasota Beach. Lovely day. The bottom photo shows the Venice gang that shared the villa: me, Rose, Angie, Laura, and Linda. What a bunch of fun gals!

When I got home and opened all my mail, I found out that the mammogram I had last week came back "all clear," so hallelujah and thank you, God!

Life has been exceptionally good lately, and I feel truly blessed.

Until next time ...
P

Ditto

As in, "New doctor, new trip," same headline as last time (I know what you're thinking: "This girl is so dull sometimes").

Anyway, Dr. K was fine, a sort of serious fellow, and he checked me over pretty thoroughly and pronounced that everything looked "good." He asked me what the oncologist had planned, scan-wise, so I told him a CT on Oct. 28. He decided that a PET scan (better picture) was in order, so he ordered that, too, for the same day. So, if there's anything ominous going on, we'll find it ...

I'll see Dr. K again in three months, late December, for follow-up. In today's "numbness report," the fingers and toes are still a bit numb, but I'd say I'm maybe three-quarters of the way back to normal now, as they're getting a tad better with each passing week. But it's a very slow process.

In other news, I'm getting a flu shot tomorrow, and then getting the heck out of Dodge on Wednesday morning for a week of rest and relaxation (and plenty of Vitamin D!) at my Psycho Sister's villa in Venice, Fla. I really wasn't planning a second Florida getaway for this year, but this sort of fell into my lap, so I decided it's my destiny and who can say no to that?

We won't have a computer at the villa, so -- unless we decide to stop by the local library to use theirs -- I'm thinking I may not post anything until after I get back on Oct. 14.

So, hasta la vista, babies, and I'll see you when I see you!

Until next time ...
P

New doctor, new trip

So, today I want to mention two things:

* I'm seeing a new doctor Wednesday instead of my main surgeon. It seems that when you're six months past your surgery, they switch you to a different doctor, a sort of "maintenance" guy (even though he's a well-known surgeon, too). This new guy, Dr. K, is in his 60s and so I'm thinking he does more of these "maintenance" things now instead of surgeries, but he's "up there," as far as world-class skill and knowledge. So, while at first I was disappointed to not be seeing my usual doc, I'm now thinking it doesn't hurt to have more brains on my side. So I'll let you know what I think after I've met with him on Wednesday.

* I've got another "getaway" planned for mid-October, thanks to my Psycho Sister! Remember how she bought that adorable villa in Venice, Fla., last February? Well, her daughter and a couple of friends want to visit Florida and stay at the house -- and since Linda and her husband had to "close it up" when they returned home in May, she sort of has to go to open it back up (take down the hurricane shutters, etc.) for her guests. And, since she has to go, she asked if I wanted to go, too, and we all know what the answer to that was! So I'm looking forward to my second trip to the villa -- and a lot of laughs with the girls!

So, hurray for new doctors and impending vacations! Life can be so great!

Until next time ...

P

P.S. Yes, the fingers and toes are STILL numb-ish, but not as much. They are getting better, but it's a darn slow process ...

Still doing fine

So, here we are, SEVEN-AND-A-HALF WEEKS post-chemo, and things are fine. I've got a cat stretched out on the shelf right above my keyboard (prior to me taking this photo, she was watching a squirrel through the window), and it's been a fun (although rainy) weekend, lunching with the "First Friday" girls, hanging out with my Psycho Sister (I came THISCLOSE to beating her in ping-pong!), and, finally, having a nice visit with my parents.

And now it's time for the "I work full time so I have to clean and grocery-shop on weekends" routine, so what am I doing on the computer?

Anyway, I'm feeling fine, but still have the numb/tingly fingers and toes, but they ARE getting better, slowly, so there is light at the end of the tunnel ...

Until next time ...
P

Six weeks post-chemo

I was reminded by my Psycho Sister that I haven't updated the blog lately, sheesh, you would have thought I'd committed a crime or something ... So, here goes ...

It's going on six weeks since my last chemo and I've gotta say, I don't miss it at all! That really hit home for me today because I used my lunch hour to stop by Siteman West County (where I got the chemo) to get my port "flushed," which you have to do every 4 to 6 weeks so it doesn't get clogged. It was sorta nice to park in a "patient" spot close to the door, even though I wasn't exactly getting treatment, and stroll inside with a more carefree attitude than before.

Flushing doesn't really take much time -- less than a minute, I'd say -- plus a minute or two in prep time, so it went fast. But still, it jolted me a bit when the needle went in -- yikes! I'm not used to that anymore! But I'd much rather go in for a flush than a three-hour-plus treatment, so who's complaining?

Anyway, the fingers and toes are still numb and tingly, but they do feel a teensy bit better with each passing post-chemo week, so I know this is only temporary and I can handle it.

In addition to walking two or more miles a day, I've also started working out on a stationary bike several times a week. I'm trying to get my bum left leg -- where they took out all the lymph nodes -- back to normal, and thought maybe it would help to work some other muscles. And, even though it's only been a week or so, I think it is helping.

So, that's about it, as far as how I'm doing. Thanks for checking on me!

Until next time,
P

A month out ...

OK, so it's been a full FOUR WEEKS since my last chemo treatment, and the numb/tingling toes and fingers seem a little better (emphasis on little). But the bad chemo taste in my mouth is GONE, hallelujah, so life is getting better for sure!

I've got an appointment with my main surgeon at the end of this month, so we'll see what he has to say then.

In the meantime, I'll probably update this site only once a week or so, so thanks for checking on me, and I'll see you next time ...

P

Good advice ...

So the other day I e-mailed Dr. W-G to see if I should be avoiding certain foods while I'm recuperating from my yearlong cancer treatment. Her answer:

"The best thing for you is Vitamin D, exercise, and Eastern diet."

So I e-mailed again for details, and it seems that the 1,400 IUs of Vitamin D that I'm taking daily now is sufficient (400 IUs is the recommended daily allowance), since I'm not "deficient" in that particular vitamin, and the "Eastern diet" is basically the Mediterranean diet, with lots of fruits and vegies (at least seven servings a day), whole wheat, olive oil, and no major junk food. (And a glass of red wine is OK! Antioxidants!) Plus, I'm trying to get 15 minutes of sunlight every day or two -- even MORE Vitamin D!

I'm still walking my two miles -- sometimes more, sometimes less -- but I'm thinking of branching out to some additional exercise, now that I'm off the chemo.

It seems to me that this recommendation might be good for everyone, not just cancer patients, so do with it what you will ...

Until next time ...
P

What a week!

OK, so I've made it through this "bear of a week," and now I can get back to regular living (is there such a thing?) ...

Let's see, Sunday was a get-together with childhood girlfriends (we missed you Kathy!); then Wednesday we moved Dylan into his out-of-town college dorm; then Friday was Hannah's 21st birthday, and she insisted on having her celebration at a bar (but it was a cool/fun/crowded bar, so at least she has good taste!). Hannah shows off her birthday outfit in photo at right.

So we reserved some tables on the patio outside, and it was a beautiful night, but I think we adults were outnumbered by "twenty-somethings" by about 5 to 1! But she (and her parents) lived through it, in spite of EVERYONE wanting to "buy her a shot," sheesh, so I feel like I can finally relax, now that it's over ...

Speaking of Hannah, she had her first follow-up scan since her surgery and everything is A-OK in the brain department (it probably helped that her scan was BEFORE her party!) So, thank God and hooray!

And, re: Dylan's big move to college, he showed up back at home THREE DAYS after moving into his dorm! It seems his girlfriend (who has a car at her school, which is right next to Dyl's school but is starting its classes a little later) came home this weekend, so, of course, Dylan rode along! But I had just baked some peanut-butter cookies (his favorite), so he came home to freshly-baked cookies and surprised us!

Ah well, he's gone back now ... Both kids' classes start tomorrow -- yay! -- so things should settle down. Should ...

Re: me, I've STILL got the numb fingers and toes, but it's OK, I'm feeling pretty good otherwise and don't miss chemo -- or "Fanny" -- at all!

Thanks for checking on me!

Until next time ...
P

Dropsy

Yeah, so I had my last chemo treatment a week ago, but my fingers are worse than ever, as far as the numbness and tingling go. The oncologist DID say that effects are at their worst about a week or so after treatment, so I guess I was warned.

But this is crazy -- I keep dropping things and knocking over things, sometimes spilling drinks all over (like yesterday!), and tonight I was trying to open a bag of cat food and man, it was hard to do! (But I did it.)

But things will get better, I'm sure, it will just take time (sigh) ... Probably about a month or so (ALL-CAP SIGH) ... But, hey, I've come this far so I'll make it!

So, thanks for checking on me. And thanks for listening ....

Until next time ...
P

Chemo free!

OK, so I still have the numb toes and fingertips -- and I'm sure the nasty chemo is still making its way out of my system -- but I had a glass of red wine tonight to celebrate my freedom from chemo pods, "Fanny," doctors, lab tests, and all other cancer-related things! I am now CHEMO FREE (and hopefully, cancer free)!

Yes, the visiting nurse, "Boots" (that's her name! It's on her ID badge!), came by Saturday around noon, took my vitals, and removed the needle (and chemo bag and pump) for the last time. (At least for the next three months.) And I am happy beyond belief!

She was the first to give me a congratulatory hug (not counting the chemo-pod nurses on Thursday when I rang the "no-more-chemo" bell). I met a couple of friends for dinner and shopping Saturday, and got a free meal (a cancer-treatment silver lining).

And I've got a few more mini-celebrations planned over the next few weeks, so I'm happily making my way back into the real world. I fully expect to feel better and better as I get further and further from the chemo! (Numbness be gone!)

So, thanks again for the cards, prayers, and well-wishes over the past year! They truly helped me through my "temporary setback."

Love you all ...
P

Ring-a-ding-ding!

Or, Chemo #12, check!

Yes, today I RANG THE NO-MORE-CHEMO BELL to celebrate my last trip to the chemo pod! Ring-a-ding-ding, ring-a-ding-ding, WOO-HOOOOOO!!! The bell was a gift from a donor, and it's located in a hallway, so a bunch of my nurses came out to clap for me as I was ringing away!

And, of course, it got me all emotional and I had tears in my eyes, a tad embarrassing, but that's me: a pillar while I'm getting treatment and a weeping mess when it's over. Weird.

When it came time to ring the bell, I had my sister, Connie, taking photos and my daughter, Hannah, shooting video (with a digital camera). My thought was that I'd post a video clip of the bell-ringing on my blog, but when I viewed it on the camera, there was no sound (oops), so if there's no sound, I won't bother to post it.

From left (in lower photo) are two of the chemo-pod nurses, me, and Dr. W-G's assistant. Other nurses and aides also were present, and a volunteer, Sandy, who talked to me a LOT while I was in the chemo chair, brought me a loaf of her banana bread with chocolate chips as a going-away present -- sweet (both her and her dessert!).

But, even though I rang the bell, I still have "Fanny" 'til Saturday, so, technically, I'm still not completely free. But today was a "milestone" of sorts, and gosh, it feels damn good to know this is "it"! (At least for three months, when they will do a follow-up scan to see if anything's going on. And if I'm all clear, they're even going to remove my port! Wow!)

Today, my oncologist, Dr. W-G, said I'm doing really well. But she also said my neuropathy, or "numb toes," will likely stay with me for months, or even years (sigh), so I may have a little reminder of this "misadventure" for awhile.

But that's OK because I'm STILL HERE, I'm feeling good, and I've got lots of good times ahead! So thanks again for your prayers and good wishes -- they have helped get me through this and I'll be forever grateful ...

Until next time ...
P

Happy anniversary?

So, today is the first anniversary of the day I found out I had cancer -- July 29, 2008.

Back then, I had no idea the treatment would last so long (ignorance truly is bliss).

After my diagnosis, I spent the month of August getting various tests: colonoscopy (even though I had had one two years before), chest X-ray, Pap, mammogram, and CAT scan, to name a few. They were all intended to discover if the cancer had spread (all were clear, thank God).

Also that month I found a top-notch surgeon at the primo hospital in St. Louis: Barnes-Jewish. Dr. F. was suggested by a doctor my sister-the-nurse works with. He's the head of his department, a professor, and one of those guys who contributes to medical textbooks, so I feel like I've been in good hands (surgically speaking) ...

My actual treatment started in September, and I think that's when the radiation guy (also world-class) discovered the cancer in my left lymph nodes. I went through five weeks of radiation and 24/7 chemo (yes, that's when "Fanny" and I started our relationship) and got horrible mouth sores the last couple weeks of treatment (and lost 15 pounds 'cause eating was too painful).

Surgery was Jan. 5, and my six months of post-surgery chemo started a few weeks later.

Now, here I am, with one treatment left ... Happy anniversary ...

Until next time ...
P

Surgeon visit

So, today I visited my primary surgeon, Dr. F, who says I'm doing great. It was just a check-up, with another scheduled for late September, but he seemed to be very impressed by my progress and surprised that I'm walking two miles a day (I think because the lymph-node surgery was so extensive and has left much of my left thigh numb).

"You should write about your experience to encourage others," he said, so I told him I've been "blogging" about it since last December!

Anyway, I'm feeling well, except for the numb fingers and toes, but that hasn't stopped me from typing and walking (or drinking wine), so it can't be THAT bad, can it?

My last chemo treatment -- number 12 (but who's counting?) -- is scheduled for this Thursday, two days away, and I'm hoping it goes fast. So, bye-bye "Fanny" (the "chemo-to-go" with pump in a fannypack) -- it's been real, and it's been fun, but it hasn't been "real fun."

Stay tuned ...

Until next time ...
P

Chemo #11, check

Yes! I went for chemo #11 today, which means two things:

• I have only ONE MORE chemo treatment left! It's scheduled for Thursday, July 30, from 9:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. or so. And then, on my way out (even though I'll still have "Fanny" for two days -- a technicality), I'll be ringing the "no more chemo" bell! Woo-hoo!

• By the time I finish, on Aug. 1, I will have completed almost a YEAR of treatment, sheesh ... But I don't feel like I'm that much "worse for the wear" after a year, just enduring a few chemo-induced annoyances that will be going away in a few weeks. (Woo-hoo-two!)

Anyway, it's nice to be entering the home stretch, but a little weird, too, 'cause from now on I'll be nervous at check-ups, wondering what the future will bring. I don't have to worry about that for three months though -- that's how long they're giving me until my first follow-up PET scan, probably around Nov. 1. (My birthday is Nov. 4, so getting a good report would be an awesome birthday present!)

But I feel pretty good, haven't lost any weight during my six months of treatment (hooray for that "healthy appetite"!), haven't had any nausea for several months, still walking two or more miles a day, even with my numb toes ...

Speaking of the numb toes, Dr. W-G told me to let her know if the finger numbness prevented me from doing buttons or typing (they haven't) but I did send an e-mail to her a few days ago to say that the toes were pretty numb but that I'm still walking.

So today she added a bag of calcium and magnesium to my drug regimen, which is supposed to help with the numbness.

So, yes, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And life is good.

Thanks for checking on me!

Until next time ...

P

More Portland pics

So, I'm not really going to write much today. This is more just a chance to post a couple more photos from Portland.

So here they are! It was beautiful ...

Until next time ...
P

Portland!

Portland, Ore., is beautiful and unbelievably green. And it was SO nice to be there in late June, when its temperatures were in the 70s and 80s -- and St. Louis was in the mid-90s! Even with a light jacket, I was actually cold a couple of times!

And poor us -- when we arrived at the deluxe hotel in late afternoon, the only room they had left was the PRESIDENTIAL SUITE! Even though we only had it for one night (they moved us to a regular room the next afternoon), it was pretty sweet (suite) all right -- two bathrooms (one with a jacuzzi), two balconies, two flat-screen TVs, a living room with a dining table and wet bar. (So that's how the other half lives ...)

The women's convention I was covering was awesome, too -- very inspirational and uplifting! Lutheran women at their finest ...

When the convention ended around noon on Sunday, we rented a car and drove to the Columbia River Gorge scenic area, about an hour east of Portland, with lots of gorgeous waterfalls and breathtaking vistas.

We had hoped to see Cannon Beach the next morning, but found out it was a little farther out of town than we thought, darn, so we drove to a nearby Catholic retreat center instead and walked its woodsy trails until it was time to head for the airport.

The five days were a nice little getaway and I'm so glad we were able to do it. Thought I'd post a few Portland photos, too!

Until next time ...
P

Dropping like flies ...

So, I'm having a little trouble processing all these recent deaths: Farrah Fawcett (whom I didn't know was SO close and was a bit of a shock), Michael Jackson (whom no one knew was SO close -- a REAL shocker!), and now my favorite priest, Father Jim Krings (whom I knew was getting hospice care at the rectory where he lived, after 22 years of off-and-on cancer treatment which stopped "working" last October).

I was bummed that Father Jim (photo at right) died last Saturday, while I was in Portland, and I didn't find out about it until I read through my newspapers when I returned, so I also missed his funeral. But he was a great preacher (he even won the Catholic Church's "Great Preacher Award" in 2007). (Click here for info.)

I didn't know him well (his church is one I switched to, unofficially, because I loved its 5 p.m. Sunday youth Mass -- which I dubbed the "rock 'n roll Mass" because of the guitars, drums, piano, etc., great music! -- and, of course, Father Jim's great preaching).

But when a dear friend, Kathy, sent a holy-water font to me during my cancer treatment, I opted to fill a plastic bottle with tap water and took it to the rock 'n roll Mass for Father Jim to bless. After Mass, he said a nice healing prayer for me, blessed the water, and used it to bless me. I've treasured it ever since, and use it to bless myself daily.

But now he's gone and the rock 'n roll Mass will never be the same. Yes, I know he's happy in heaven, but his death has left a real void here on earth. Even though I didn't know him well personally, I will always remember him for his great sermons and for blessing me and my water. And maybe that's all we can hope for at the end of life: that someone will remember us for something good ...

Until next time ...
P

Chemo #10, check

JUST TWO MORE TO GO! Yes, I had my 10th post-surgery chemo treatment today, and all is well. No tingly fingers, no nausea, just a tad bit tired.

I heard about the "no more chemo" bell today -- you get to ring it in the hospital hallway after your last treatment, and I think they take your picture and wish you well. I'm gonna cry, I know it ...

I never blogged about this, but on the last day of my five-week radiation/chemo last fall, I decided to give my regular three radiation techs and my chemo nurse $5 gift cards for St. Louis Bread Co., since there's one right next to the hospital.

Anyway, I found this great card for the radiation people (thanks to my saintly sister, Connie) that said, on the front: "Thanks from the bottom of my butt!" And inside: "Because it's bigger than my heart!" Yes, it was perfect (from this anal cancer patient), and as I was sitting in the waiting room, card in hand, I was so excited to give it to Jeff, Sarah, and Melissa! So, I'm sitting there, and this new tech comes out to get me -- I've never seen her before and she introduces herself and I'm disappointed, thinking, "Man, I really wanted to see my regular techs today, since I have this card and everything ..."

So she leads me back to the treatment room, and there are my three techs, standing there clapping and whooping for me on my last treatment day! Of course, I handed them the card through tears. For some reason, I never cried when I went in for treatment, but I sobbed on that last day. It was very emotional, I guess ... And every time I tell someone this story, I also get very emotional and my eyes start to well up and it's sort of embarrassing. In fact, I'm sitting here now at the computer with tears in my eyes ...

So, I think I'll sign off now (I'm sure you understand). Thanks for checking on me!

Until next time ...
P

Hey!

I'm back safe and sound from Portland, Ore., where the sun was shining all five days and there are more tattoos per person than any other place I've been, ha! I'll write more about the trip later, when I've got my photos ready to post ...

Just thought I'd shout "hey!" to you all and let you know that tomorrow is my third-to-last chemo day, and I'm feeling fine (in spite of hearing about Farrah's death).

So, keep me in your prayers -- I'm ready to kick those cancer cells into outer space!

Until next time ...
P

We're fine

Ooh, I just realized I haven't posted anything for a solid WEEK, sheesh, so I thought I'd better say something, lest you all think I've dropped off the face of the earth ...

Anyway, I'm fine, Hannah's fine (in fact, she just went off to work!) -- we're all fine. My saintly sister and I took our dear mother to the mall today, and I ended up buying several new tops (hey, I don't shop much, but when I do, I sort of go crazy). It seems Macy's was having a huge sale, so at least I feel like I got some good deals. And my mom was awesome in her walker for two-and-a-half hours -- she did great and bought some clothes too!

So now I've got some new stuff to wear to Portland (see photo above)! I'm leaving Thursday and coming back on Monday -- covering a Lutheran women's convention there and SO looking forward to it! My Psycho Sister is going, too, and we've added an extra day (I'm already regretting we didn't add on several days!) so that we can rent a car and explore Cannon Beach and the mountains and Multnomah Falls (photo at left) and all the cool touristy things Portland has to offer.

One of the best things about this trip is that the Thursday I leave was supposed to be a chemo day for me, but Dr. W-G is letting me postpone (what a lovely word) it for a week. So I should be feeling great the entire trip!

Thanks for checking on me.

Until next time ...
P

Road trippin'

So, yes, I made it to Indianapolis (way back in early May) and back with four of my co-workers (see photo at left). We drove to the Associated Church Press convention there, and it was great fun!

One of the highlights was hearing Sister Helen Prejean, author of Dead Man Walking (in the movie version, she was played by Susan Sarandon, who won a "Best Actress" Oscar for her performance), talk about her experience with capital punishment (she's against it) and getting to meet her afterward when she signed my copy of Dead Man Walking. (See photo below.) Good book, by the way.

Another highlight was getting together with my nephew, Justin, and his wife, Julie (whom you might recall as the maker of the "check the boxes" get-well card), who live in Indy. We spent a couple of hours in the hotel bar, talking nonstop, having a drink or two, and eating chicken wings (hot!) that were on "special" that night. It was really nice to re-connect with them, if only for a couple of hours.

During the couple of days that we were there, and driving to and from, we ate LOTS of good food ('cause our boss, David, said we should!), and the two meals provided by the convention were also great and included two awesome desserts -- chocolate cake and cheesecake ...

And, the piece de resistance, I won an award -- just a third-place in the "News story: newspaper" category -- but hey, that's OK by me! It's something to validate what I do (and believe me, I LIVE on that sort of validation!).

But it was a nice trip (way back on May 6-8!) -- and sorry it took me so long to blog about it, but things just seemed to get in the way!

Until next time ...
P

"Extra" chemo #9, check!

So, today I had the first of my four "extra" chemo treatments. (Eight is considered "standard treatment" for my cancer, but patients who are doing well may do 12, if they -- and their doctors -- are so inclined.) So this is number 9 for me, and it was just like all the others, although my oncologist, Dr. W-G, lowered the dosage a bit because my lab numbers are getting sort of low.

While I was waiting for the doc in an examination room, I was wearing headphones and an ipod (like photo at right), relaxing in a chair, feet tapping to the music (I think it was a Grateful Dead or David Bowe tune), eyes closed, just sort of "rocking out" in my "happy place," when Dr. W-G and her assistant strolled in, took one look at me and started laughing! (I'll never live this down!) Even when I saw her later in the chemo pod, she mentioned my ipod, ha! Oh well, I'd rather be known as the "aging hippie woman" than an old crab, so I'm good with it ...

Anyway, she DID say that, since the chemo/radiation in the fall killed all the cancer in my tumor and lymph nodes, it bodes well for me because it looks like the treatment is working. The cancer cells are responding (is that the right word?) to the chemo. But, because there was lymph-node involvement, there is no way to tell for sure at this point if we've got all of those "rogue" cancer cells and whether or not the disease will ever come back. That's what follow-up scans and blood tests are for. So, stay with me, friends, especially in prayer.

But it wasn't a bad day, the treatment went fast because my Psycho Sister came to visit. And we spent some time talking to a volunteer, Sandy Komen, a (by marriage) relative of Susan Komen, the St. Louis breast-cancer walk namesake!

But I'm home now with "Fanny," the portable chemo-bag and pump (which actually stopped working while I was napping! When I awoke, I noticed it was off and wouldn't go back on when I pushed the "on" button, so I replaced the batteries and -- voila! -- it is now working again! Whew!).

I haven't had any nausea for a couple of months, so I'm not expecting any this time, either. Walked my two miles tonight and it's back to work tomorrow.

Re: Hannah, she's doing great! She hasn't had any pain meds for almost a week, and is driving again -- yay! Her hair is growing back quickly and you really can hardly see the scar, only if you're "looking for it." So thank God for her speedy recovery!

Thanks for checking on us.

Until next time ...
P

Farrah's Story

OK, I know the special about Farrah Fawcett's battle with anal cancer was on TV a looooong time ago, but I just tonight got up the nerve to watch it (I taped it 'cause I was busy the night it was originally on, but since then I've been too scared to watch it!).

Anyway, man -- she has been through a LOT in the three years since she was diagnosed! Back and forth many times to Germany and a hospital in Los Angeles, with painful treatments that left her exhausted in bed. My treatment has been a breeze compared to hers, so I feel like our experiences are miles apart.

For one thing, she didn't have surgery like the doctors suggested in the beginning. Instead, she opted for just radiation and chemo. She only had the surgery much later, when the tumor came back.

Plus, she apparently didn't have a "port" put in like I did. So she got all of her treatment through the veins in her arms, which eventually got so bad it took the nurses TWO HOURS to find a vein during one of her later treatments! And, she had lots of bruises on her arms, from the repeated and painful needle sticks, I'm supposing.

And, even though the cancer had spread to her liver, they didn't even mention having lymph nodes removed, so I'm wondering if perhaps she didn't have that surgery (which really can have some bad side effects and complications -- such as necrotic tissue and lymphedema, or swelling -- my lymph-node surgeon really SCARED me about it before mine was done).

But, all in all, I'm glad I watched the program. I applaud Farrah for baring her soul and cancer experience (she even showed viewers her bald head, her vomiting and her writhing in agony -- I'm not sure I could do that). Hearing her talk about cancer made my heart wrench, but I thought her words were pretty much "right on" in many ways.

Even though my treatment hasn't been all that bad, I still wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's lost time -- from treatments and doctor visits (I hate using my "vacation" days for chemo treatments). It's lost energy, which means a lot of things get "postponed" (like regular house cleaning -- hey, on second thought, maybe that's a PLUS!). It's all the little side effects that are so annoying. It's sort of a loss of innocence, too, because every time you have a scan, you're afraid the doctors might find something ominous. And it's a loss of money, ha, because even though you have insurance, you still have to pay a portion of the bills yourself -- that's money you would have rather used elsewhere.

But enough of my whining (I almost spelled it "wining" -- a Freudian slip because of my affinity for wine?). On the plus side, I still feel pretty good. I don't sweat "the small stuff" anymore. I enjoy the simple things in life even more. And, amazingly, I'm still happy most of the time!

As for Farrah, I'm amazed at her courage to show her struggle to millions of people nationwide, and I've gained a new respect for the actress. So I'm adding her to my prayer list and pulling for her to beat this!

Until next time ...
P

Reining in the party girl

It's NOT GONNA HAPPEN! Our "party girl," 20-year-old Hannah, is going out EVERY NIGHT now, just a little over three weeks since her BRAIN SURGERY! (Too many capital letters? OK, I'll stop now.)

Sheesh, she keeps saying she feels "fine," and there's "no pain," and she has pretty much stopped taking her vicodin and valium -- definitely a good thing!

But I worry that she's doing too much, too soon. (It's darn hard being the mother of a headstrong girl.) But guess I should be happy that she's rebounding so quickly ...

And me? I'm doing fine, too -- still a little tired, but still working full time. Walked about two-and-a-half miles today. But I'm thinking maybe I should cancel out on the Komen walk (for breast cancer) on the 13th, since it will be the Saturday after my next treatment, and I was pretty much knocked out last time. I sure don't want to be dragging everyone else down ... We'll see ...

Thanks for stopping by!

Until next time ...
P

SO tired ...

OK, so the chemo is finally catching up with me. My last treatment was Thursday (and I had "Fanny" until Saturday morning), and Friday I went to work and all was well, as usual. I even went out that night to dinner and a movie with my Psycho Sis. (We saw "Star Trek" -- very exciting!)

But Saturday I could hardly get out of bed! I did very little around the house, and took a three-hour nap that afternoon, plus I went to bed that night around 8 p.m.! My saintly sister and I walked only a mile (we usually do two) -- I was just too darned tired to do much of anything.

Today (Sunday) I'm better. Walked two miles. No naps. Still a little more tired than usual, but not too bad. No nausea at all this whole weekend!

So I'm thinking that the chemo is taking its toll. I lucked out that it waited until the eighth treatment to knock me out, but now I'm wondering what the next four chemo sessions will be like ... But if the fatigue is only bad for one day, like it was Saturday, I'll make it fine. (A day in bed? It'll be like being queen for a day!)

Re: Hannah, she has had her first big night out since the surgery three weeks ago (some "bed rest" ...). Yesterday she went to a wedding and reception and "afterparty." The pain is starting to subside and she's not taking as much pain medication as she was at first. She's still got friends coming and going (one is here now and another is expected when she gets off work later). She is grateful for the prayers and concern, and I'm sure she will be back to normal in no time.

Thanks for your continued prayers for me, too!

Until next time ...
P

Sock it to me!

OK, so today was supposed to be my LAST "chemo day." But, alas, my oncologist, Dr. W-G, said studies have shown that those who get 12 treatments fare better than those who get only 8 (sigh). My labs were a little off today, but not bad enough to not get the chemo, so I got my usual dose, as usual.

But, since both my radiation guy, Dr. M, and my oncologist, Dr. W-G, voted for "more chemo" -- just a little extra insurance -- I'm gonna go ahead and do it. Only 4 more, every other week, but I'm actually getting a little "break" next month 'cause I'm covering a four-day convention in Portland, Ore. (yay!) that falls on a "chemo day," so Dr. W-G says I can skip an extra week (double yay!).

So, my LAST FOUR chemo days will likely be on June 11 and July 2, 16, and 30. In August I plan to get back to regular living, with no bad chemo taste in my mouth, no tingly fingers, no "Fanny," and no thinning hair!

Since my body is starting to show signs of chemo "wear and tear," Dr. W-G says she'll probably lower my chemo dose for the last 4 treatments, plus they'll continue to do lab work to make sure nothing's in the "danger zone." I asked her if all this chemo would do any permanent damage to my organs and she said no, so hurray for that!

So, sock it to me, chemo! I'm ready for my LAST FOUR treatments! (And I'd appreciate your continued prayers.)

And a special thanks to my "Psycho Sis," Linda, who came up and sat with me during today's chemo. It went really fast because we talked and laughed the whole time! Some people "do lunch." We "do chemo."

Re: Hannah, she's doing great! She saw her surgeon today and he said she can do pretty much what she feels like doing, but to "take it easy." No driving for two more weeks. So she's going to a wedding reception Saturday (I'd rather she stay home) and went out to lunch today with a friend. Tuesday night she spent the night at another friend's house, but her mom is a doctor, so we thought it would be OK, and it was! (It is really hard to keep a "party girl" down, but I keep trying!) Anyway, she's doing great, so thanks again for your prayers and concern!

Until next time ...
P

I'm doing 'fantastic'

Yes, that's the exact word used by my radiation doc yesterday at our six-month check-up! Dr. M spent SO much time with me, answering questions, checking me over -- I love the guy!

Basically, here's my condition:

• The pathology report right after my Jan. 5 surgery showed no cancer at the tumor site and no cancer in the lymph nodes. (A few of the nodes did have cancer previously, as did the tumor, but last fall's radiation and chemo took care of it.)
• The CEA cancer blood test I had a couple of weeks ago was at 2.1, which is under 3 and "in the normal range."
• My two surgeries (for the tumor and the lymph nodes) have healed nicely, better than expected, in fact.

So I said to the doc, "So, I'm doing OK?" His response: "I'd say you're doing fantastic!"

One of my questions to him was, "Should I do a little extra chemo?" And he said, "If it was me, and my labs were good, I would." He said it all comes down to the labs -- if my liver enzymes are too high, or my white-cell count is too low, I should probably stop the chemo. Otherwise, go for it.

So I'll talk to my oncologist, Dr. W-G, next Thursday (what would have been my last chemo treatment!) and see what her opinion is. Then, I'll make a decision. But I'm leaning toward just biting the bullet and doing a few more treatments (sigh). Then I'll know I've done everything I could to beat this.

Re: Hannah, she's also doing fantastic! She even went out to dinner last night with a couple of friends ("Mom, I'm just walking to the car, walking into the restaurant, sitting, then coming home. No big deal.") I made her e-mail her surgeon, who said, "I trust you to know what you can do, but take it easy." So,there she went, laughing with her friends, 10 days after having brain surgery!

Thanks for checking on us!

Until next time ...

P

Hannah update

So, I guess the blog is now HANNAH'S, ha! Anyway, just thought I'd update you on her condition.

In a word, she's doing GREAT! She still has pain, but it's diminishing a little (just a little), and she's getting around much better -- she no longer touches the wall to maintain her balance when she's up and about. She's probably doing too much, though, like doing household chores (I swear, I'm not making her do that! I keep telling her to "rest").

Today she took her first full-fledged shower and washed her hair -- "You can't imagine how good I feel," she said afterwards. And really, you can hardly see the surgery scar when she's got her hair fixed.

Her friends stop by every day. Last night, a good friend came by and the two girls barbecued and made dinner for all of us -- and they did the dishes afterwards! Today another good friend came by to spend the day with her.

And she keeps saying she's going to her brother's high-school graduation on Sunday (we'll see).

So, yes, everything's ducky, thanks in large measure to everyone's prayers and support. So, thanks again! We DO appreciate it!

Until next time,
P

Hannah's home!

Yes, she's home and sleeping peacefully in her own bed. She's still on pain meds, but is getting a little better each day.

She is so glad to be home, and we're so glad she's here! I'm gonna baby her like crazy!

So thanks again for your prayers and support -- they are definitely helping!

Until next time ...
P

Hallelujah!

OK, people, God is great (all the time!) and we got some really good news tonight: Hannah's tumor was benign -- NO CANCER! -- and she's coming home days early -- tomorrow, in fact!

She's still in pain, and doesn't yet walk so good, but she's gotta be on "bed rest" for FOUR WEEKS, so that means no "going out," but instead taking it easy, hobbling around the house, watching TV and movies, and eating bon-bons until she's got her strength back. (Hopefully, her doting parents won't drive her crazy!)

But I saw her tonight, and she's doing pretty well, a little better each day, so we're happy beyond belief! I carted home some of her "stuff" tonight. She's got zillions of cards, about eight flower arrangements, cookies, candy, videos, balloons, four or five stuffed animals, and several gift bags with all sorts of presents! Thursday night, she had 12 friends in her room until midnight, when a nurse came in and said, "Um, visiting hours were over at 9:00." So I guess she's not suffering too much ...

But she's so brave and upbeat, I'm so proud of her and can't wait to get her home!

Thanks again for all the prayers, cards, and good wishes! We love you all!

Until next time,
P

Weathering the storms

OK, I know I haven't blogged in awhile -- TWO WEEKS, to be exact! (Sheesh!) But you know the saying, "When it rains, it pours"? Well, the Ross family has been weathering a !*#! MONSOON!

My 20-year-old daughter, Hannah, had brain surgery last Tuesday! Yes, that's right -- BRAIN SURGERY! (Photo at right shows her scar, right behind her ear. She took these pictures herself, with her computer, to post on Facebook!)

A few days before I went to Florida, she accidentally hit her forehead while on a cleaning binge and it bled like crazy, so she and her dad went to the hospital to get it checked. Well, they did a CT scan to be safe, and then called them into the room with the pictures up on a computer and said, "The bump on your forehead is fine. But this -- and they pointed to a little 2 cm "spot" in her cerebellum, in the back of the head -- shouldn't be here."

The hubby and Hannah knew about this before I went to Florida, but elected not to tell me until I got back. I will be forever grateful for that.

So, we ended up with a neurosurgeon who told us we had two options: he said he could "take it out safely and with few risks" if we do it now, or we could wait three months and take more pictures to see if it grows. Hannah said, "Take it out," which turned out to be the right choice because when they got it out, they said it's definitely a tumor but they don't know if it's cancer or not. They're checking. But a followup MRI showed they "got it all."

Anyway, I've been sort of a nervous wreck, especially on Tuesday, but I'm better now that I know Hannah's OK. She's still in a lot of pain (which is normal, says the doc), but it should start getting better in a day or two. (See forced smile at left. She is awesome.)

But here's the thing: we feel like it's a BLESSING that Hannah hit her head. Otherwise, the tumor would have been undetected until who knows when (she had no symptoms whatsoever), and the ultimate surgery likely would have been more complicated and risky. So, thanks be to God, who is definitely taking care of us, big time.

As for me, I had chemo #7 today, I walked a mile or so afterwards, and I'm not feeling too bad. A little tired, 'cause my white blood cell count is pretty low, so I've elected not to visit my daughter at the hospital today. But we talk on the phone, and she's got ZILLIONS of friends visiting, and calling, and texting, so hopefully that's keeping her spirits up.

Thanks for your prayers and concern! So far, so good ...

Until next time ...
P

Chemo #6, check

So, another chemo day today, which I thought would go fast 'cause I actually got there 10 minutes early, but no dice ... It was a LOOOOOONG day, from 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. (from the time I left the house 'til I got home), basically because they were "backed up" at the lab, so I had to wait awhile, and then it took awhile for my chemo to "arrive" at the "pod" (the room where I get the chemo), so I had to wait more than hour there (sigh).

But my labs were good, and I got to see Dr. W-G, who says I'm doing really well. We talked about having just two more chemo days left, so I asked her: "Will that be enough?" At this point, she doesn't know for sure. (But she DID say she thinks I'll be fine.) That's the "standard treatment," but if I'm doing well and want to do two more months, she can arrange that, she said.

So I'm going to "think on it" awhile, and wait until I'm further along to make any decisions (so I can monitor blood tests, talk to docs, etc.). I really don't want to do more chemo, I just want to make sure I have the "best outcome." So we'll see ...

I also got a new prescription for "Mary's Magic Mouthwash," which I'm sure is like the other mouthwash I had in the fall for my mouth sores. But this time I've just got some "thrush" starting on my tongue, so they want me to swish with this stuff four times a day to keep any mouth issues under control.

My daughter, Hannah, came up to sit with me awhile today. She brought me lunch, a beautiful pink calia lily (see photo at right), and a card that I couldn't read at the hospital, in front of everybody. She had written all these wonderful, tear-jerking things inside the card, and I started to read it but felt my eyes watering, so I had to put it down before I became a weeping mess. I told her I'd read it at home, and she understood. So I read it on my way home, in the car (only at stoplights) and it is beautiful. (And I've read it over and over at home, and still, it gets me all emotional.) What did I ever do to deserve this kid?

Anyway, I feel fine, no tingly fingers today, so I'll bid you all adieu ... Ooh, speaking of other languages (and countries, like Germany, my homeland), I finished my book today, Those Who Save Us, by Jenna Blum. Awesome book -- about a woman who does what she has to do to save herself and her daughter during the Holocaust -- and I'd recommend it if you're looking for something to read.

Thanks for checking on me!

Until next time ...
P

Side effects

So I noticed I haven't written in a week, and thought maybe I should write something. So, how about an update on how I'm faring with the chemo?

Generally, I'm doing very well, working full time and not feeling too tired. But there are a few little, shall I say, "annoyances," that I can't wait to get rid of. And that won't be until after my last chemo on May 28 (a national holiday on Running Creek Drive in Ballwin, Mo.).

So, here's a list of the chemo side effects that are a tad bothersome:

• sensitivity to cold. It's now mostly in my fingers, but even today -- a week after treatment -- if I touch something cold or even put my hand in the freezer, yikes! The tingly, pins-and-needles feeling is exceptionally annoying and so I feel compelled to warm up the hands as soon as I can by wrapping them around a hot coffee or even laying them on my car's dashboard that's been baking in the sun on the parking lot. Surprisingly, I can handle ice cubes in my drinks just three days after treatment, but this cold-fingers thing seems to last forever.
• nausea. But I STILL haven't used the high-powered anti-nausea pills that are in my purse, "just in case." My nausea -- usually on the first four days after a treatment -- is very mild. Sometimes I take a compazine, sometimes I don't. I'm grateful it's not worse.
• sore mouth. Don't panic -- I don't have the horrid, nickel-sized mouth sores that I had in the fall when I was doing the chemo 24/7 for five weeks. But my tongue, especially, is a little sore most of the time. I've got a mouth rinse (that I didn't have in the fall) called "Prevention" that's specially made for cancer patients. It helps, as do salt-water rinses. So it's not so bad.
• "tired eyes." I wear soft contact lenses, and sometimes my eyes get watery or dry, and just plain "tired" feeling. It helps to close them for a minute or two.
• bloody nose. It doesn't actually bleed, but when I blow it, there's usually a little blood on the tissue (TMI? Sorry!). And right now I've got a sinus thing going on, so I'm blowing pretty often.
• thin hair. I've been assured by Dr. W-G that my hair will NOT fall out in a major way. The chemo mixture I'm getting -- or maybe my menopausal age (ooh, I hate typing that!) -- are making it thin a bit, but I shouldn't go bald. But at any given time, there's always at least one or more long strands on my clothing, so I'm trying not to brush it too much or be too rough when I wash it.

Anyway, virtually ALL of the above side effects are supposed to go away after I stop the chemo, so hurray for that! And, as I said earlier, this really isn't so bad.

I've got a piece of child's artwork (see above) that says "God is with us," and shows lots of everyday people with God "in them." It's from a children's art contest/show, and is on display at work, along with lots of other pieces. I really liked it, so I got permission to copy it.

But here's the thing: I feel like God IS with me, especially now that I'm going through cancer treatment. So, really, nothing can be that bad, can it?

Thanks for checking on me.

Until next time ...

P

Chemo #5, check

Another chemo day, and I wasn't supposed to see Dr. W-G, but I brought her a souvenir from Florida (a little bag/magnet with some sand and tiny seashells that says "Andrea's Beachfront Property"), so of course she came out to the treatment room to say thanks!

I had to wait awhile for my lab results because the medical staff wanted to make sure my liver enzymes weren't too high. Two weeks ago they were pretty high, but today, after four days in Florida (and a daily glass of wine, sanctioned by Dr. W-G), the liver enzymes were HALF what they were two weeks ago! So I was good to go with the drugs.

Hannah was with me, and my Psycho Sis called from Florida, and I was able to watch some "Scrubs" episodes that made me LOL, so treatment went pretty fast. "Fanny" is back, and again, I'm feeling fine. Walked two miles with my saintly sister after I got home. And my injured eye is totally healed -- no red at all!

Three chemo treatments to go!

Thanks for checking on me.

Until next time ...
P

How to post a comment

OK, blog-followers, since several of you have told me, "I'd like to post a comment but I don't know how," I'm providing directions right here and now.

It's really easy, but even I had to experiment with it first, since there are so many choices and I'm not all that knowledgeable about "techie" stuff, so I totally understand.

Anyway, please don't feel like you HAVE to post a comment (but I do enjoy reading them). So, if you want to, here's how:

• Click on "0 Comments" (or "1 Comments," etc.) under the blog entry you want to comment on.
• Type your clever, witty comment in the comment box.
• Under "Choose an identity," click on "Name/URL."
• You can just type in your first name, and can leave the URL box blank (it's optional).
• Then click "Publish your comment" and -- voila! -- it will appear under the "Comments" for that day's blog.

Then I will read it and smile ...

Well, tomorrow is chemo day, so I think I'm going to grab my latest book (Those Who Save Us, by Jenna Blum) and hit the sack. By the way, A Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini, was awesome, albeit painful to read (I think it's the only book I've ever read where I yelled out "No!" while reading, and I did it more than once), but what a story! I highly recommend it.

Until next time ...

P

You get by ...

Yes, it's true ... You DO get by with a little help from your friends. My hosts in Florida, Linda and Bob, really made my four days there special.

Linda had told me they were going to treat me "like a queen." So when I got off the plane, there she was, holding a sign that said "Queen Paula."

Then, when we got to their place in Venice, my room had a flamingo balloon and another sign: "Queen Paula's Pad."

Although Linda had sketched out a few plans ahead of time (like the drum circle on the beach), they constantly asked what I wanted to do, and made a real effort to make me happy (heck, they even let me eat most of the gooey butter cake I had brought as a gift!).

They kept the jokes coming and the wine flowing, and truly, there never was a dull moment. Scary ones, yes -- like the daily braunschweiger ritual, ha! (of course, I'm kidding!).

Some highlights:

• walking in the surf along the shore at Siesta Key, the world-famous beach with sugar-white sand, picking up seashells and just enjoying the day.


• eating Bob's grilled grouper -- it was absolutely delicious!


• sitting on the lanai in the evening, sipping wine and talking (and laughing) about everything!


• eating at waterside restaurants, with sunshine and ocean breezes.


• watching Linda try on my compression hose (I wear one on my left leg most of the time because of the lymph-node surgery) and then using it as a slingshot (it works pretty good)!
  


• Laughing 'til we cried at Linda's entries to my blog.

So thanks, Linda and Bob, for your friendship (is my collage still up?) and kindness. I love you guys, and, like Arnold, "I WILL be back!"

Until next time ...

P

Dyl and I

Hey, blog-followers, I never really followed up on the Mother-Son Brunch that was (gulp!) more than a week ago!

But we made it on time, Dylan and I, and even though most of his friends were wearing open-collar shirts, my son surprised me by wearing a (gulp again!) TIE!

The photo at right isn't from the brunch (it's actually better than the brunch photo, in which I look sort of like a chipmunk), but this one was taken Sunday at the Schlueter family Easter gathering at my parents' house (notice my tan).

But my, how that boy towers above his mother -- I guess you could say I look like a midget in this one. Oh well, what I lack in good looks, my son makes up for in total handsomeness (am I biased or what?).

But back to the brunch. It was lots of fun, with lots of good food. Dylan and his friends got their money's worth by going back for seconds (I controlled myself and just had one plateful -- surprising, I know). A photographer was on hand to take mother/chipmunk-son portraits at no extra charge (the difference between my son's public high school and his sister's private one, which charged extra for everything!). And each mother received a rose to take home.

I was planning to "escape" around noon, when the speaker was scheduled to start, since I had to be home by 12:30 to meet the nurse who would unhook "Fanny." But doggone it if he didn't start early, while we were still finishing eating, so Dyl and I had to walk out in front of everyone, a little embarrassing since most of them didn't know I had to leave for medical reasons. Oh well, you can't worry about what people might think.

But a good day, all in all, and extra special because I got to spend one-on-one time with my adorable son.

Until next time ...
P

Soakin' up the sun

Yes, I am in Florida! Yes, the sun is shining! Yes, I am beating a drum in the drum circle ... on Nokomis Beach ... just before sunset! Boom, badda boom, badda boom, badda boom ... I'm letting out my inner bohemian, relieving stress (what stress?), and getting a little arm exercise -- all at ONCE!

It's a little cooler than would be perfect, but nothing's perfect anyway, right? (Besides my host, Linda's, Venice villa.) I think the high today was 60-ish, but that's WAY better than the 40-ish highs back home.

And, there are plenty of palm trees, ocean waves (and breezes), sunshine, clam chowders, shrimp and crab legs, sandy beaches, and red wines, so no worries!

This morning we went shopping at the Punta Gorda Fisherman's Village (I'm wearing my new long-sleeve T-shirt that changes color in the sun), had lunch on the top deck of a waterside restaurant, ahhh, and napped in the sun on the lanai (the screened-in room with a lake view) before taking off for the drum circle. In the photo at right are a couple of drum-circle regulars -- a belly-dancer and a, um, I'm not exactly sure, but he had a lot of spirit!

Right now I'm having a HUGE piece of gooey butter cake, which I brought down to my Psycho Sis as a present, but now, damn!, I'm eating the whole thing! (Maybe that's why I brought it!)

So, yeah, while I was away from the computer to fetch a piece of gooey butter cake and freshen up my wine, my evil Psycho Sis took the liberty of adding some details to the blog -- gee, can you guess which lines SHE wrote??? Anyway, they made me laugh, so I'm leaving them in ...

Well, it's been a great two days so far (two to go!), and it's getting late, so I'm calling it a night. Wait, did Linda say there was chocolate icecream in the fridge? Hello, gooey butter cake a la mode!

Until next time ...
SG (Sun Goddess)